Crapshoot Monday: This Free Thing I Found on Itch.io…Castle Korpenhalla

​A dungeon by Gnarledmonster, level [decline to say].
Written for Dungeon Reaver/Morgle Blurk/OSE.
  No. Nosir. Nuh-uh. This “one page dungeon” is written for three different systems, featuring a gonzo completely unplayable isometric map and zero actual keys, just a set of rumors, a roll of treasures, a hyper-powerful set of random encounters, and a “solution” that requires squinting at the purple abomination of a map until a headache forms and you decide to let the players win. The name is a pun but consuming this content makes you Korpophagic.
  The story is “inspired by Ravenloft” which should send everyone here running in a panic but I’m going to ignore the chill of warning and forge ahead. Evil and tragic Lord Blodig (sigh) is kidnapping villagers (sigh) to turn them into mutants (SIGH) and there’s a 50s bounty per kidnapped villager (SIGH). Blodig isn’t killable in his humanish form, instead his soul is in the weirdo eyeball thing that the text calls a heart which is in turn hard to destroy without “dealing with” the “extraplanar being in the basement”. I don’t even know how players are supposed to navigate this thing. MAP THAT ON GRAPH PAPER. I DARE YOU.

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​ Uh so what I liked is that each system had its own separate page so that I didn’t have to look at the Burgle Hurk Yellow one.
  To be honest there’s darned little of what can be improved here. The eye-hurting map is completely and utterly unusable as-is, just complex enough to defeat graphing without having any obvious keying attempt. This is despite is also being childishly simple and small in terms of actual room count. You could do quality-of-life work like bringing up the OSE treasure like a 200gp pipe organ to whatever the value should be for a location that has you fighting d2 Chimeras…but that would be ultimately useless, just adding more disappointment potential to what is still a botched abortion of a “dungeon”.
  The best use case is probably in eschatological arguments as first-rate evidence against the postmillennial conception of the perfectibility of humanity within this current fallen world. It’s also excellent as a purgative, a welcome replacement for the discontinued syrup of ipecac. While there’s a potential use case for this thing as a depressant, I would not recommend using it to combat overstimulated mind states as there’s probably an associated risk of inducing schizophrenia. There’s an argument to be made for this product’s best use case is as a torture device but I categorically condemn any such use as being in clear violation of the Geneva Convention. You could also use this as a TTRPG adventure module if you wanted to discourage a group of players from ever attempting to participate in the hobby again.
  Final Rating? -/***** because it’s worse as an adventure than an actual blank sheet of paper, even with no writing implement provided.

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